” B I S H O P “

So it has been quite awhile, but I am really at a point in my life in which I just need to write this down for myself. But anyway…

What is a person to do in life when they struggle with deep, dark “sin” in which they fell that they cannot confide with Pastors, Church Members, friends or family? It is with these struggles, that I have become overwhelm with a burning sense of confusion and chaos. I do no know who to turn to other than God with this struggle because I fear for the sake of the amazing friendships I am a part of.

I understand that God’s word is the way, the truth, and the light, but at times it is difficult to know whether or not is is God’s Word or an interpretation of the philosophy of a church. I am at a loss of ideas, but yet my love and fire for our God is strong that I still continue to make every effort to justify my actions.

However, I am beginning to lose my faith in myself and fell the strong pull of society’s views, which, at times, make more sense. I know that sin and guilt is painful and that it is a destructive power to one’s spirit and mind. But who gives anyone the authority to judge the worth of a sin?

I like to use the analogy of a $5 bill and a $1 bill. If you were to ask someone to tell the difference of the bills, they would respond that the $5 bill is worth more. I believe that humans try to comprehend  the unexplained by creating values and standards. However, if that $5 bill and $1 bill were to be sin, God would view them as the same. Money is all it is. Not worth more or less, but just money.

Why is it that this is not the case for our Christian views in which we still classify sin and rate it? We find it easier to point out the sin of others and tell them this is wrong, yet we cannot stop living a sinful life ourselves. I hope someday I can trust someone to help me understand why on Earth I cannot fight this sin, so that I can strive to be more like the only perfect person on this Earth: Jesus Christ.